It’s Saturday, and I’m a day late in posting this – and if I’m being really honest, a dollar short in very literal ways.
I’ve been questioning myself a lot lately – why things seem to be so out of order; why the steady rhythm I held early in this difficult year seems to have disappeared; why week after week goes by and at the end of it my anxiety has snowballed into itself and all the things I didn’t want to happen have occurred; why I surrender my self-worth so easily when someone questions it, especially when it comes to my work; why I haven’t been ready to come out and talk about it openly here on the blog.
But I think I’m finally in a place where ears and heart are open to the truth that everyone has tried to tell me, patiently, lovingly, in this season : it’s okay. It’s okay to stumble and learn from this, it’s okay to not have it all figured out, it’s okay to ask for help. I am enough. As a writer, as a wife, as woman.
And so I finally give in and let go, acknowledging that nothing is certain, that worst case scenarios are a disguise for the best opportunities, that the whole world spins on without my hypervigilance to help it along and so the real question I need to ask myself is this : why am I pushing so hard to get my way?
More thoughts to come next week, in which I will actually come out and talk about it all more openly. Until then, happy weekend reading.
“It’s not until I walk out of the door that I see her pick up a pen and start to write.” Conversations with Ourselves.
“I’m not going to give in to the cultural pressure that says women’s bodies are only beautiful when they’re very, very small. I’m going to take up every inch of space that I need, even though our world is obsessed with the idea that women should only take up just the tiniest bits of space.” Swimsuit Ready or Not.
“Art is faith. I am a believer.” The Shadow Artist Emerges.
And finally, a sneak peek at next Monday’s bookish post.