It’s not always sad. There is a deep joy when I remember you, when I think about your arms around me, the words we shared, the things we loved together – coffee, dessert, hairspray, Gilmore Girls, The Sound of Music.
I am not always afraid. When K told us she was pregnant last month and that this time the baby is healthy, my heart leapt with joy and I heard you say, This is possible; it will all be okay.
It isn’t always about loss. My heart is full with you – your affirmations, your laughter, your gentle words, even your tough love. You loved me for me, and maybe this is why I don’t hate my body : you taught me that life was too short to starve myself of it.
I am not always alone. When I talk with my hands or choose what to wear in the morning or glance at a passing reflection, it’s that same conversation we always had, only quieter.